Another chapter on sex and sexuality. Get your kicks whether sexually
or psychically. This time around, sex goes back to grass roots. Leaving
no room for qualms on sexuality.
Love and Sex II: the romantic love and the love affairs of our time.
The kind of romantic love is a phenomenon relatively new in the history
of human Sexuality. It appeared first in the medieval Europe, as a
compound element of the concept of chivalry. The perfect medieval
knight would adore a high-ranking dame if willing to risk his life
for her own sake. This kind of love disconnected from the idea of
marriage.
In practice, women were regarded as material goods, initially of
parents and, shortly after, of the husbands'- being totally at mercy
of their husbands' whims, by law inclusive. The families dealt marriages
as they pleased.
A great many part f the muses of medieval knights were married. Often
they couldn't get as far as talking intimately. Love was then demonstrated
through poems and songs, whose themes would reveal an ideal of loving
combined with the cult of the Virgin Marie. There was sought in women
the very same immaculate perfection. It was sought in the relation
the same exaltation of the spirits. Busily writing poems for his inspirational
dame, the knight wouldn't expect reward from his loved one nor any
expression of affection in exchange for his loving demonstrations.
His duty was to idolize, cry, suffer, even dieing from a spellbinding
love.
On the other hand, nowadays there are those unable to love from preserving
themselves from strong emotions. In order not to be reached out for,
they emulate a sort of wall between them and the external world. Many
times becoming narcissists, extremely lonesome or self-sufficient.
In this case, bound to end up by falling in love later on, as turning
mature- able to rely on own emotions. When in love, all feelings
seem sharper. The lover sees and feels all the surroundings with higher
intensity, the loved one is as wonderful as unique, and the whole
world is full of sights, noise, sensations and pleasant fragrances.
However, as the love of romantic kind is the nearest thing to idolatry,
it's common place that the person envisages an over the top golden
image of the loved one. At first glance, it feels-like betrayal when
finding out that his/hers idol has flaws. But, when the lover is able
to see not only the qualities, but also the imperfections of the
other-acknowledging them and accepting equally his/her own, it means
that he/she would likely to overcome that purely romantic phase, thus
enabling love to turn into something more everlasting. That is, a
relationship based on mutual understanding and a trade off of feelings
and experiences.
Though, certain in love couples fear that their deep love would turn
out to be mere affection after all. Holding almost feverishly on
to romanticism, in an attempt to eternalize those magic moments of
passion. Nonetheless, for someone at the beginning of a love affair,
or falling in love for the first time, it's hard to believe that such
fascinating experience be a sort of love and not "the magic and perennial
formula of the great Love".
The one who expects to keep forever the state of love's ecstasy
wind up obliged to create a string of circumstances that, as time
goes by and living together, will become artificial. Flaring passion
turns into emotional tension, as physically and psychically unbearable.
The couple begins to provoke frequent separations, consciously and
unconsciously, so as to sample once more on the strong emotions
of reconciliation.
On a roller-costing quest for happiness, the lover gets mixed up
along the way. one isn't altogether sure as to be prepared to build
up, ever so slowly, that kind of relationship in that all out reassurance
to one another, with qualities and flaws. Time after some time, through
self- experiences, whether happy or else, some get to comprehend love
entirely.
The ecstasy and passion was just a sort of seed through which a future
relationship would blossom. Ultimately, there would be the very beginning
of a process likely to be altered along the way, much as people's
lives.
Jonatas Dornelles
Anthropologist
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